Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
