what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
