i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
