after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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