Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry about my life...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
