This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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