You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
