Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
