It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
