this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Everything about him screamed your future.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
