fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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