1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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