My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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