so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
