Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
