I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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