Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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