some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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