i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize