ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
