i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
