I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
