Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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