my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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