i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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