I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
