Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
