God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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