Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
