the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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