Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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