you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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