Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
