what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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