Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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