I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize