People with herpes should wear stickers.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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