Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
