Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
