yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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