It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
