It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
