Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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