I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
