What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
