hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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