I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you will always have a special place in my vag
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dicks are not precious.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
