Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
