It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize