i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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