If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
