Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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