I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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