I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize