omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
