i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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