You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I party with great urgency now.
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