apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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