WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
