I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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