You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
