Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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