you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
