If that was your dad, he is hot
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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