He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
