just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
