i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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