The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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