I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
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Do I have a choice?
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BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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