if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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