I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
