nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
