Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
